Angsty teen

I love looking at things I've written a decade ago - am I really getting that old? Then, some times you come across  a poem where you wonder what was going through you at the time. You can't really remember what brought you to that place where the poem came from. To be honest, I remember being an angsty teen and really focused on the bad things that were happening in my life, but still I can't remember who I wrote this about. I honestly always draw from my own experiences in life so this must have meant something to me. For the life of me, I wish I could remember.

I published the following very short poem online in 2003:

---

What can I say,

to make it all better?

What can I do,

to make it last forever?

What can I see,

that you don't in me?

----

I find it funny now, that I could be so completely lost in someone to write such a poem. Yet, I think it comes with the territory of being a teenager. You obsess and worry and wonder why love hasn't come to you yet, when you're so obviously ready for it to come and envelop you. Shucks, those were some interesting days for sure.

Doubt

I doubt whenever I'm happy, because I feel unworthy of the sensation.
I doubt because I'm unsure of what lies inside me, power or nothing...
I don't want to doubt, because of all the love I receive.
I want to feel worthy of it all and enjoy my time here on this earth.
And yet, I doubt. Whenever I can - because I was taught to.

Different

Between her and the world, was an invisible force field she could not break through. She worried a lot of the day away, wondering magical worlds as time passed by her. The unsightly child of a world incapable of understanding her.

It was not because the world was not willing, but her peculiarity scared and was off putting.

She imagined how love would feel. The soft waves of fitting together with someone else. The rose colored glasses that everyone would talk about. The smile that would certainly creep unto her face when thinking about her love. She ached as the thoughts blew through her darkened heart, making the chambers creak with sadness.

As the snowflakes fell silently outside her window, she wondered how her life could have been. Had she just been born more "normal", her thoughts been less strange, her mind less adventurous and magical...

Always, wondering.

Snippet of truth

Sometimes I find these little amazing statements around the interwebz and I cannot help but think...these moments have to mean something. Therefore, I want to share with you a piece of truth I stumbled across today.

"Sometimes you are the drop that overflows the glass, but it doesn't mean that you filled the entire glass."

Now, I want you to really think about this one. What it means. How it possibly could have affected your life in some way. Have you been the last drop for someone else? Have you felt hatred towards someone that did an indiscretion towards you, but they really did not deserve your anger, because your glass had already been at the brink of overflowing?

I really feel it's a powerful sentence. On both sides of the fence. If a person hurts your feelings, I think it would be a great idea for everyone, that they ponder that anger before releasing it. Asking themselves some crucial questions.

Am I justified?
What will happen if I tell that person how angry I am?
What would happen to our social relationship?
Would it affect others than just the one I am mad at?
Can that person handle my anger?

On the other hand, if you've done something to a friend, co-worker, family member that might seem trivial to you, and that person goes on a rampage - why not try and ask yourself - and them as well - some important questions before you react.

Am I justified?
Has something happened to them in the past that makes them react differently than I would?
Could it be possible that my actions were coming at a very bad time?
Would it affect others than just me?

There are possible even more questions you could use, but I think it is so important to take a breather, survey the situation and make an informed reaction instead of going off on a rampage. I know from my own experience that I've reacted unreasonably more than I care to remember. Do I regret them? Definitely. Will I try harder the next time a situations arises? Sure. Will I fail at times? Of course. But I will do my very best to try and change and grow from the mistakes I do in life.

I guess I'm still learning.

Love + Blessings

Pictures

I love taking pictures.

Aalborg tower.

Repeating

You're at that point in your life where everything should somehow be falling into place, yet there you are, staring into an abyss full of nothingness, uncertainty and frustration. Is it a choice you made along the way that put you in this position? Was this just how YOUR life was supposed to turn out? Is this the reality you need to embrace?

I don't pretend to have the answers, but growth is all about adapting to the situation you're in. If unhappy, change it. I know it sounds cliche, but such is life. Everything that happens to you has already happened to someone else, somewhere in the world, at some point in time.

"When?"

Sitting there, she knew not what her fate had called her to do. She could feel it though, stirring within her. This ache, that felt like it would never subside or diminish. An ache that burned in her very core, almost convulsing within her with frustration.

It was an ache for something that she did not yet understand. Who knew when she would, or if she would? All she DID know, was that it was there. It would spring up without warning and it would hurt. So much so, that tears would spring from her eyes without permission. Trickling down her reddened cheeks mercilessly. Tearing her heart into a million pieces. It was there, it was relentless and yet she knew that it was necessary. To force her. There was something she had to do - she wasn't ready for it - but a human heart can only take so much sadness before it starts to question the reason for its existence.

When will the laughter return? When will the unencumbered joy return and splash its way through the chambers of your heart? When will you realize that the only person who can change your path...is you? When will the tears stop? When you realize that you've emptied your soul and wasted it on things that do not matter? When...?